Wrap up

It has been almost 8 months that I have been living within a controlled emotion - was that wrong? That is no eternal peace lying inside me, not the one I have long lost and gosh, I miss it. Was that wrong, again - Not sure but that is necessary for me, a curfew that I impose on myself, to prevent me acting out of rationality - to the outsider. Thus devilish and angelic talks inside my head not even taking a half day off my mind. It is tiring and exhausting, many times settling beside the bottom line of breaking down.
That is no remedy, I have been seeking for advise and sharing with expertise. It is NOT a mental breakdown issue, but a passing phase for a new change on the way...a maintenance stage of emotion. That is no deadline to say bad thing shall pass and new leap of life phases in, Nope, nope, nope..... Yes people say "think of the great one and it will come" , "Law of attraction" , they work at least for a short period of time and provided you are not battering with big grieve and agony. It comes and goes, that is why it is called a "Maintenance" period ...and do not get me wrong, it's subjective as depends what type of personality you have, I am kinda of 'stubborn' type, the one most of the time living in a blind faith, soak into it and refuse to emerge until thing broke..and swirl me to the bank, no excuse for me to not face the real world. That was where my journey began, how far I can get away from the pond ..or still anchoring one of my foot into the bank.
Back to remedy, is that Time? Is that Self mastery? Give time - time. People said that too. But does not mean it will fade off without any effort from you. No, not at all. It means be patient and have faith. Keep doing the right thing even you dont feel right or better, it seems no improvement or back off, just keep doing it -- well you can say it is kinda of blind faith with right method, right people and right thoughts. Rationality vs Emotion, the former needs to be stronger and be the winner, but does not mean you will feel better or okay, you probably just would not get worse that is all.
So, it is just by believing it will work but not sure when it starts working, Yes it is the reality and that is the only antidote I realize throughout my journey so far. it is a personal sharing, you definitely have you own opinion and point of view, but it may not counteract the poison in me.
To wrap up is not a conclusion to me, but seeing a vague light from far and make my step to trust and move forward to search for a brighter vision. Life is always unfolded to another layer when you are close enough to the turning point. Wrap up is just a symbolic message to tell yourself, it is Time !