Wrap up

It has been almost 8 months that I have been living within a controlled emotion - was that wrong? That is no eternal peace lying inside me, not the one I have long lost and gosh, I miss it. Was that wrong, again - Not sure but that is necessary for me, a curfew that I impose on myself, to prevent me acting out of rationality - to the outsider. Thus devilish and angelic talks inside my head not even taking a half day off my mind. It is tiring and exhausting, many times settling beside the bottom line of breaking down.
That is no remedy, I have been seeking for advise and sharing with expertise. It is NOT a mental breakdown issue, but a passing phase for a new change on the way...a maintenance stage of emotion. That is no deadline to say bad thing shall pass and new leap of life phases in, Nope, nope, nope..... Yes people say "think of the great one and it will come" , "Law of attraction" , they work at least for a short period of time and provided you are not battering with big grieve and agony. It comes and goes, that is why it is called a "Maintenance" period ...and do not get me wrong, it's subjective as depends what type of personality you have, I am kinda of 'stubborn' type, the one most of the time living in a blind faith, soak into it and refuse to emerge until thing broke..and swirl me to the bank, no excuse for me to not face the real world. That was where my journey began, how far I can get away from the pond ..or still anchoring one of my foot into the bank.
Back to remedy, is that Time? Is that Self mastery? Give time - time. People said that too. But does not mean it will fade off without any effort from you. No, not at all. It means be patient and have faith. Keep doing the right thing even you dont feel right or better, it seems no improvement or back off, just keep doing it -- well you can say it is kinda of blind faith with right method, right people and right thoughts. Rationality vs Emotion, the former needs to be stronger and be the winner, but does not mean you will feel better or okay, you probably just would not get worse that is all.
So, it is just by believing it will work but not sure when it starts working, Yes it is the reality and that is the only antidote I realize throughout my journey so far. it is a personal sharing, you definitely have you own opinion and point of view, but it may not counteract the poison in me.
To wrap up is not a conclusion to me, but seeing a vague light from far and make my step to trust and move forward to search for a brighter vision. Life is always unfolded to another layer when you are close enough to the turning point. Wrap up is just a symbolic message to tell yourself, it is Time !

Gemini, am I ?

I was, a typical one, I would say.
What changed me? Life experience, peer influence, criticism, self realization and the want-to-be better attitude. What should not I just be myself? A typical Gemini is witty, smart, flirty and a party person- sounds more on 'dark' side , well the good thing about them is you will never get bored with Gemini, they were born to make people around them blithesome. I am still a Gemini but a tuned-down "Gem", I called (smile).
I lost my witty and humorous chatty character after a series of traumatic experience in my life. It left deep scars in my memory, burnt mark in my soul. If you took it positively, this teach me a life lesson. It is good to be who you are but it will be better if you see thru yourself, tell yourself that you can get rid of your bad trait and be someone acceptable - by you. At the end of the day, be someone who eventually posses self mastery. If you cannot take good care of yourself, if you do not love yourself enough, that is insufficient to give away to people around you.
Constantly there are pulls and pushes in my thoughts, plenty of needs to understand what the purpose of my existence in this world. No answer, probably it is the answer. Man is destined to find purpose in life, until then he has to keep looking for the answer, learn thru encounters and hardship to realize happiness and abundance ? Thought so. Who knows?
Lost, can be found ? Could be. Maybe in another form of findings - another level quality of life could be explored and obtained. It is a way to raise the bar of maturity and stimulates deeper contemplation of one self.
The hundred pages of old book is gradually closing, a new page may be emerged. Life has so many uncertainty, ones always have options and choices, Gemini or Gem ?

Move on, possible?

Have you ever been stuck in a situation which you think you would never get rid of it ...maybe for a while you thought you can make it, with all the positive thinking, right people around and read many good books ..and you are moving forward to seeing good turning point ..and suddenly BAM!!! You hit the wall, fell and collapse. It can be happened in a work place, family, relationship and even in your self expectation.
What would you do when you reached to this bottleneck and seeming no one can flush a way out for you, what possibly in your mind - give up ? persist? back off or marching forward instead?
I realize there are many times no one can actually tell you what and how to do but show you what would be the best options around - and You, pick the one works best for you. So again it is ourselves that helping ourselves, no one does. Man, so called human being, somehow many times parasites others to show them the direction, print them the map and guarding them to the destination. Is that wrong ? I am really not sure - I am a independent person but somehow cannot help but to knee down to the desire of being to be accepted and taken care by others. It is not cold to confess it is a weakness in me but somehow when I step into this whirlpool, I would lost my true self and leaning on others as my life purpose. Ironically, again I am a independent person.
Such a mind twisting topic to think of, isn't it ?